Identity

When I was going up the stairs
I met a man who wasn't there
He wasn't there again today
I wish I wish he'd go away.

-from the movie Identity

Just to keep it alive

Light
Its the only thing I seek
Going through the tunnel of my life
Darkness all around, panick by my side
I pray for the end of this
Where light will pour in and out
and I will be able to see Where I stand
in the journey of my life.

*******************

The stars are all over the sky
Twinkling bright in the dark night
I dont need a fag to get high
The music pouring in my ears
its the cacaphony of melody
thats taking me away from this world.
The dieing life struggling to get its last breath
The green grass trying to fathom its worth!
Faith and hope anchoring the ship of my life.
Why do I to think so hard about tomorrow
Why cant I play the roulette and the dice.
Gambling my way out...
Out of the world of unknown!


**********************

How does it feel to be hit by a bullet,
how does it feel to go through a gauntlet,
is it the pain that i fear or the salvation that i seek.
emptiness of my mind
there has to be a end to its depth
free falling in this abyss
m struggling to get a grip on my kismet
The kites are flying high up in the sky
I can see them going out of my reach
am trying to get out of this ubiquitous lie
coz its me who is going down
fighting hard not to get torn
by the storm hitting me on.

Delicious

Fictitious and so real

Love's a onetime deal

With a delicious dark appeal

And a religious kind of zeal,

So precious, yet surreal

Life's a onetime deal

With a delicious dark appeal

And a religious kind of zeal

(From the song "Delicious" by the Finnish band Poets of fall)

The arcane lane

Hit me hard, I wanna feel the pain

Let the blood flow out of my brain

keep me alive until I get drained

There is nothing left here, for me to gain

Whatever am doing is going in vain

Am crashing hard, under my own disdain

It may sound like one, but this is no complaint

I never thought this will go more than a sextain

The breeze of my thoughts, turned into a hurricane

The storm is loud and am thrown away in the rain

Fighting hard, I wish I could get away in a train

Or may be fly high in an aeroplane!!!!!

Coz You may get a break in a switch, but am no void main()

I wonder where that came from!! you think am insane?

Am tired of this rhyme now, cant do this again n again.

The Goodnight song

am i tired of doing nothing

is it dark all around

the silence is sparing out no sound

the yawn is taking out the air within

am lying on bed for the sleep to come in

random thoughts crossing mind

am fighting hard to keep them behind

for sound sleep i try, for good thoughts i fight

n all shuts down before I say goodnight!!

Higher

He opened his eyes after 7 hours. It was a much needed sleep. The last week was hectic n, goes without saying,overloaded with work.A break had become necessity.These days he was beginning to realise that some necessities were becoming luxuries..n luxuries, he treauserd..just like this sleep today.

He got out of the bed with an understandable struggle, n like a dead man walked into the bathroom.'I should've slept more' he thought. 'I need a vacation'he thought some more. He stared blankly into the mirror over the basin..n looked without looking...as a habitual routine, opened the tap n splashed the cold water on to his face. He loved this sensation. The water in his eyes made the reflection in the mirror blur, slowly it got clearer. He saw the same face everyday.Was he complaining?Could he complain? Looking into his eyes reminded him of last night's dream. Like many of his dreams, this one was weird too. But there was something more to this one.There was a light out of the dark and the voice clearly said that he could fly today!! He thought about the movies he had seen where the protagonist becomes god for a day or a man who can see the future. He just wished that he could really fly but immediately threw the thought away. He had to attend his routine. He was never sure what he was living for. The meaningless routine or for the dreams he always put aside. He got ready for his work, locked his room behind him and stepped outside.

The elevator was 11 steps away. Like many other things he had counted the number of steps to the elevator too. He pressed the button and wandered off in his thoughts. The lift door opened. He didn’t respond for a moment. 'Wanna come inside' the voice of the person inside brought him into reality again. He stepped inside and found the lift unusually empty. The lone person in the elevator stared at the buttons racked in a matrix from 0 to 11. He stared at the buttons for a minute. His thoughts fighting between the last night's dream and his work. There is something to this dream. There has to be. The fight came to an end and he made his decision. He pressed the button and the lift started moving. It opened on the top floor. He quickly made his way to the open terrace. He had decided that he will see if his crazy dream was true. Somehow he started believing that he could fly today!!He wondered how he would start. This was going to be really crazy, but he knew life is not full of logic, sometimes you have to work it out on your own. He took a deep breath and jumped. He fell back with the same speed. He tried again and this time jumped even higher with all his energy. He hardly rose 2ft from ground n fell back. He thought it was just a foolish dream after all. He had to get out of the terrace before people from adjacent building start starring at him for the weird thing he was doing. He looked around to check if someone was watching him. In the far corner he saw a chair. He thought of giving it one more try. He ran towards the chair and climbed upon it. Looking up into the sky he really wished to get closer. He jumped again and fell back. But wait... this time the fall was unusual. It took longer than usual to reach the ground. His eyes glowed. He looked at the sun right above him and said “Am coming”.

Now he knew how he could do it. He needed more lift so that he can float longer and then he would be able to fly. or would he? There was only one way to get this. He had to jump over the edge. If it didn’t work then people will call it a successful suicide attempt. Doing this just in the name of a dream was pure insanity. That is how people will call it. But did he care about what people said? He remembered what his mother told him once.

“Sometimes in life you cannot listen to anyone, anyone except what your heart says.”

He jumped and flied.

The Prologue

The boy was 20 years old. The anouncemnt for the next  local just finished when he reached the station.He didnt require any of them to know the train.This was his routine and the indicator showed the train was on time.

08:10   ST  F 

He was just on time asusual.The crowd on the platform was gradually increasing, as it does for every other local.There ll b some space created when the local is gone, but soon it will be filled with new people for the next train. He plugged his earphones and pressed his Apple iPod to life.Kurt Cobain was screaming.."Rape me my freind!"

Fifty minutes ride from Kalyan to Dadar. It was a hell ride and he hated it with increasing agony every day. With a human density of 11 per square meter and under more than eighty percent humidity "Nirvana" was his only little piece of relief.With every paassing minute in train he wished somehow he can make this journey short.Today his wish will be granted...

The train reached the far end of the station and people on the platform prepared themselves like an army arming up themselves seeing the enemy coming from a distance.He jumped into the slowing train and somehow made it to the aisle.He got enough place to keep his two feet and shared the hanging support on top with two others.The train stopped and started moving again.

Two stations passed.Hanging on the support he was sweating heavily for doing nothing.

He heard some quarrel from couple of seats behind.People were struggling to get a glimpse of the fight as if some celebrity has dropped into the train.He just pushed the ear fones hard inside and gave a smile to the little girl standing near the window,ignoring the frustration coming out of the public.

Suddenly there were more sounds and the train started shaking heavily. This wasn't the usual shaking of train and he had never seen it happen before."Is it cause of the fight or a bomb is going to explode?" Random thoughts crossed his mind and everywhere around he could see panic struck faces. It didn't take long for him to realise that the train had been derailed.Nobody new what and when...and the ambiance of chaos was rising rapidly. People around were just crying out of fear.And then suddenly the train stopped, it wasnt shaking anymore. Everyone in the compartment got a lil relieved that there boggie was spared from the shock.

The sigh of relief wasnt for long as the boggie rolled over and landed on its left side. The left side was now on the ground with wheels facing the right side. The only way of escape was the other door which was facing the sky. People inside rolled over each other like bunch of match stick in a matchbox.His head collided with the support bar and legs were entangled with many others.He saw the light coming from above and saw people trying to get out of the train through the only path.He struggled hard and somehow made it to the top, wading through the bodies...not sure they were dead or had just fainted! He could have jumped from there and escaped. But before doing that he turned back and saw the little girl trying hard just to come out and breathe some fresh air.He held the wheels of train with one hand and leaned inside to get hold of the lil girl.His fingers touched hers and the girl stretched her hand to hold his.In next moment he just pulled the girl out of the human bodies...

And the pillow slammed hard on the wall.This wasnt the first time the boy was being a hero in his dream.