Leading the life

Identity

2010-12-18T01:44:00.000-08:00

When I was going up the stairs
I met a man who wasn't there
He wasn't there again today
I wish I wish he'd go away.

-from the movie Identity

Just to keep it alive

2010-12-18T01:40:00.000-08:00

Light
Its the only thing I seek
Going through the tunnel of my life
Darkness all around, panick by my side
I pray for the end of this
Where light will pour in and out
and I will be able to see Where I stand
in the journey of my life.

*******************

The stars are all over the sky
Twinkling bright in the dark night
I dont need a fag to get high
The music pouring in my ears
its the cacaphony of melody
thats taking me away from this world.
The dieing life struggling to get its last breath
The green grass trying to fathom its worth!
Faith and hope anchoring the ship of my life.
Why do I to think so hard about tomorrow
Why cant I play the roulette and the dice.
Gambling my way out...
Out of the world of unknown!

**********************

How does it feel to be hit by a bullet,
how does it feel to go through a gauntlet,
is it the pain that i fear or the salvation that i seek.
emptiness of my mind
there has to be a end to its depth
free falling in this abyss
m struggling to get a grip on my kismet
The kites are flying high up in the sky
I can see them going out of my reach
am trying to get out of this ubiquitous lie
coz its me who is going down
fighting hard not to get torn
by the storm hitting me on.

Delicious

2010-04-06T10:55:00.000-07:00

Fictitious and so real

Love's a onetime deal

With a delicious dark appeal

And a religious kind of zeal,

So precious, yet surreal

Life's a onetime deal

With a delicious dark appeal

And a religious kind of zeal

(From the song "Delicious" by the Finnish band Poets of fall)

The arcane lane

2009-12-02T09:44:00.000-08:00

Hit me hard, I wanna feel the pain

Let the blood flow out of my brain

keep me alive until I get drained

There is nothing left here, for me to gain

Whatever am doing is going in vain

Am crashing hard, under my own disdain

It may sound like one, but this is no complaint

I never thought this will go more than a sextain

The breeze of my thoughts, turned into a hurricane

The storm is loud and am thrown away in the rain

Fighting hard, I wish I could get away in a train

Or may be fly high in an aeroplane!!!!!

Coz You may get a break in a switch, but am no void main()

I wonder where that came from!! you think am insane?

Am tired of this rhyme now, cant do this again n again.

The Goodnight song

2009-10-09T09:44:00.000-07:00

am i tired of doing nothing

is it dark all around

the silence is sparing out no sound

the yawn is taking out the air within

am lying on bed for the sleep to come in

random thoughts crossing mind

am fighting hard to keep them behind

for sound sleep i try, for good thoughts i fight

n all shuts down before I say goodnight!!

Higher

2009-05-11T20:02:00.000-07:00

He opened his eyes after 7 hours. It was a much needed sleep. The last week was hectic n, goes without saying,overloaded with work.A break had become necessity.These days he was beginning to realise that some necessities were becoming luxuries..n luxuries, he treauserd..just like this sleep today.

He got out of the bed with an understandable struggle, n like a dead man walked into the bathroom.'I should've slept more' he thought. 'I need a vacation'he thought some more. He stared blankly into the mirror over the basin..n looked without looking...as a habitual routine, opened the tap n splashed the cold water on to his face. He loved this sensation. The water in his eyes made the reflection in the mirror blur, slowly it got clearer. He saw the same face everyday.Was he complaining?Could he complain? Looking into his eyes reminded him of last night's dream. Like many of his dreams, this one was weird too. But there was something more to this one.There was a light out of the dark and the voice clearly said that he could fly today!! He thought about the movies he had seen where the protagonist becomes god for a day or a man who can see the future. He just wished that he could really fly but immediately threw the thought away. He had to attend his routine. He was never sure what he was living for. The meaningless routine or for the dreams he always put aside. He got ready for his work, locked his room behind him and stepped outside.

The elevator was 11 steps away. Like many other things he had counted the number of steps to the elevator too. He pressed the button and wandered off in his thoughts. The lift door opened. He didn’t respond for a moment. 'Wanna come inside' the voice of the person inside brought him into reality again. He stepped inside and found the lift unusually empty. The lone person in the elevator stared at the buttons racked in a matrix from 0 to 11. He stared at the buttons for a minute. His thoughts fighting between the last night's dream and his work. There is something to this dream. There has to be. The fight came to an end and he made his decision. He pressed the button and the lift started moving. It opened on the top floor. He quickly made his way to the open terrace. He had decided that he will see if his crazy dream was true. Somehow he started believing that he could fly today!!He wondered how he would start. This was going to be really crazy, but he knew life is not full of logic, sometimes you have to work it out on your own. He took a deep breath and jumped. He fell back with the same speed. He tried again and this time jumped even higher with all his energy. He hardly rose 2ft from ground n fell back. He thought it was just a foolish dream after all. He had to get out of the terrace before people from adjacent building start starring at him for the weird thing he was doing. He looked around to check if someone was watching him. In the far corner he saw a chair. He thought of giving it one more try. He ran towards the chair and climbed upon it. Looking up into the sky he really wished to get closer. He jumped again and fell back. But wait... this time the fall was unusual. It took longer than usual to reach the ground. His eyes glowed. He looked at the sun right above him and said “Am coming”.

Now he knew how he could do it. He needed more lift so that he can float longer and then he would be able to fly. or would he? There was only one way to get this. He had to jump over the edge. If it didn’t work then people will call it a successful suicide attempt. Doing this just in the name of a dream was pure insanity. That is how people will call it. But did he care about what people said? He remembered what his mother told him once.

“Sometimes in life you cannot listen to anyone, anyone except what your heart says.”

He jumped and flied.

The Prologue

2009-02-07T07:29:00.000-08:00

The boy was 20 years old. The anouncemnt for the next local just finished when he reached the station.He didnt require any of them to know the train.This was his routine and the indicator showed the train was on time.

08:10 ST F

He was just on time asusual.The crowd on the platform was gradually increasing, as it does for every other local.There ll b some space created when the local is gone, but soon it will be filled with new people for the next train. He plugged his earphones and pressed his Apple iPod to life.Kurt Cobain was screaming.."Rape me my freind!"

Fifty minutes ride from Kalyan to Dadar. It was a hell ride and he hated it with increasing agony every day. With a human density of 11 per square meter and under more than eighty percent humidity "Nirvana" was his only little piece of relief.With every paassing minute in train he wished somehow he can make this journey short.Today his wish will be granted...

The train reached the far end of the station and people on the platform prepared themselves like an army arming up themselves seeing the enemy coming from a distance.He jumped into the slowing train and somehow made it to the aisle.He got enough place to keep his two feet and shared the hanging support on top with two others.The train stopped and started moving again.

Two stations passed.Hanging on the support he was sweating heavily for doing nothing.

He heard some quarrel from couple of seats behind.People were struggling to get a glimpse of the fight as if some celebrity has dropped into the train.He just pushed the ear fones hard inside and gave a smile to the little girl standing near the window,ignoring the frustration coming out of the public.

Suddenly there were more sounds and the train started shaking heavily. This wasn't the usual shaking of train and he had never seen it happen before."Is it cause of the fight or a bomb is going to explode?" Random thoughts crossed his mind and everywhere around he could see panic struck faces. It didn't take long for him to realise that the train had been derailed.Nobody new what and when...and the ambiance of chaos was rising rapidly. People around were just crying out of fear.And then suddenly the train stopped, it wasnt shaking anymore. Everyone in the compartment got a lil relieved that there boggie was spared from the shock.

The sigh of relief wasnt for long as the boggie rolled over and landed on its left side. The left side was now on the ground with wheels facing the right side. The only way of escape was the other door which was facing the sky. People inside rolled over each other like bunch of match stick in a matchbox.His head collided with the support bar and legs were entangled with many others.He saw the light coming from above and saw people trying to get out of the train through the only path.He struggled hard and somehow made it to the top, wading through the bodies...not sure they were dead or had just fainted! He could have jumped from there and escaped. But before doing that he turned back and saw the little girl trying hard just to come out and breathe some fresh air.He held the wheels of train with one hand and leaned inside to get hold of the lil girl.His fingers touched hers and the girl stretched her hand to hold his.In next moment he just pulled the girl out of the human bodies...

And the pillow slammed hard on the wall.This wasnt the first time the boy was being a hero in his dream.

Evolution

2008-12-19T11:24:00.000-08:00

one fine day man was born

after an age of mammoths who lived for eons

He was'nt an animal

He was'nt a bird

He was really the best in his own world

Man was given thumb

to evolve n not to succumb

He had brains to make his own gains

He could think

to find n make things

n so the story goes on

the ice age was long back gone..

the finds took him higher with each discovery

first it was fire n then came the wheel

tell you, He was haapy

coz now He cud eat n cook his own meal !!

The thurst increasd n his finds grew on

But he cudnt find them all nd it wasnt time to morn

so he started creating things to answer the questions that wernt solved

Man created religion

Religion created god

n they all divided their own lands..

HE saw sun in the morning n moon in the night

the stars wer all over the sky to make a beautiful sight.

what was it, he didnt knew coz these things were really new

He grew old but the answers were never told

n then he created god to answer them all

sun is god moon is god

they all are here as our lords!!!

Man, Money and Timepass

2008-04-19T08:47:00.000-07:00

Whats there in this world to think.to wonder! well there are many and one of them is money.A thing created by man which can be exchanged for any other thing.you can practically get anything n everything in exchange for money.
so if u got money u can get any material thing in dis world.
now whats there to wonder about these!!
After creating money man got ways to earn n spend it.wen one spends the other earns.
the biggest thing created for this (earning n spending) is TIME PASS or the better word Entertainment. Perhaps the toughest thing to do is to do nothing.Man cant sit idle so he made things for passing time.
He used money for passing time.
A huge part of money is spent on entertainment and the guys earning most entertain others.
All rich celebrities earn the most coz they entertain others.
So as it turns out..Passing time is a vital thing and you can earn a lot by helping people to do that.

who were they?

2007-12-02T03:44:00.000-08:00

They were there...all around me
black n brown white n gray
filled inside with flesh n blood
looked as if they are dolls of clay
enclosed in them I felt like prey

up n down I was washed with soil
the stinking sweat turning it to dirt
the sweat was of heat, the sweat was of strain
or may be the sweat was out of fear.

the clock was ticking n the eyes were still
they all were firm against there will

front n back from right to left I could see them
speechless, senseless, faceless lumps
without expressions...they were just masses of flesh

a predicament from which I wanted to runaway
but the masses were motionless without a say
all were there like insignificant monstrous insects
with a million complaints inside
and a deal for all on there face

the fear was turning into pity
and the pity into anger
for being one amongst them

who were they.
they were all humans!!

verse...II

2007-08-25T12:21:00.000-07:00

wandering thoughts nowere to go
waiting here for the end of this show
blinding the scene, this yellow mist
in search of things dat never exist
takes me to the land i never been bfore
pulling me from this world into the core

The mask of a king

2007-08-25T12:10:00.000-07:00

People here live wid mask. Masks that change themselves. Every thought every feeling comes into the world through this mask.The mask hides the true face nd showes something dat will b loved by all.You r afraid to show urself to this world coz other's likes is not what u like.So, u love to use dis mask which keeps the people wid u nd u use it more. Slowly, the mask becomes your own part nd den u loose urself.What remains is a person who is made up of feelings and likes of other people.

But he wont throw the mask out! coz he knows he canot live without dis mask.But he wont wear it !! He will keep the mask at a distance, so dat he knows wts in him nd wts coming out of the mask.He will hve his own self wid him nd show the world wt it likes.He hates this people around,but he needs dem.He needs dem all to worship him.
steping on dem he will climb.
climb nd climb nd climb.
He will climb so high dat u wont b able to see him.nd wen u wont see him u will call him god !!!

verse...I

2007-08-25T10:56:00.001-07:00

thought of a thing to rite
nd took the water in a slice
nothing was bfore my eyes
down below the mercury wt I saw was ice !

The Story...II

2007-08-25T10:53:00.000-07:00

todays curse can b tomorows blessing
the fate wid us keeps always receding
success is what comes after sorrow
coz its the light that causes the shadow

Spelling sucks

2007-07-08T07:39:00.000-07:00

"English is a very phunny language" - dat was a famous dialogue of Amitabh Bachchan.But for me english is indeed a funny language.
The spelling is archaic, confusing, needlessly complicated and if you have a sense of humour its downright comical.You can literally group any letters nd say it ny way u like.Usually alphabets represnt sounds and sounds r combined to form words.But in english u ll find no such thing.
for eg- c can hve the sound 'see' ,nd can also b used for 'ke'
G can becom 'jay','guh' nd smetimes 'gee'
and then u have two letters for the same sound- V and W , both reresent same sound and can b used interchangingly.(W has four sounds and it stands for none of dem.)
Really no discipline at all !!!
The most frustrating of them all is the silent letters(psychology,school).I just dont understand dat why we hve to put letters wen we r not goin to say dat.
how can 'NO' and 'KNOW' both can be NO?
There have been many critics of dis spelling system.
George Bernard Shaw, who invented the non-word ghoti as an alternative spelling for fish (the word is pronounced with the "gh" sound of "rough", the "o" sound of "women", and the "ti" sound of "motion").
Its a scientific law of language dat if enough people make a mistake, the mistake becomes acceptable usage.The law applies to pronounciation, grammar,usage but not to spelling COZ the written things never change.
Bernard Shaw once offered a dramatic proposal for reducing England's taxes.Just eliminate unnecessary letters from our unwieldy spelling and u ll save enough money in paper and printing to cut everyones tax rate in half.May be dat was right, but we ll never be able to find that.

Dark light

2007-07-04T08:24:00.000-07:00

war
it ain't so far
looking at u like a lion to dear
standing in the field far away
not moving his eyes from the prey
where is he ,u never know
in your mind its always there as foe
man built bombs and gun
playing with it was never fun
with them comes horror and pain
taking lives again and again
human kills human just to stay alive
making you think whats wrong and whats right
coz you wanna take a stand and dive
may be its wrong, may be its right
or may be theres no right or wrong
its the quest for power, the quest for strength
to be the one, above them all
the war was never started
the war will never end
coz the war is always on...

Godse speaking

2007-06-27T12:32:00.000-07:00

Mahatma Gandhi was a great leader who walked on the lines of Truth and non violence for the freedom of India and have done a lot of great works. Our 'Father of the Nation' is a hero who is respected all over the world.
But there were people who had a diffrent view.
I found this interview interesting and added in my blog.Do read this diffrent perspective of Gandhi.

Sixty years ago, on Jan. 30, 1948, Mohandas Gandhi was shot dead by Nathuram Godse, a Hindu extremist. Godse believed that the Mahatma, or great soul, was responsible for the 1947 partition of India and the creation of Pakistan. Godse and his friend Narayan Apte were hanged. His brother Gopal and two others were sentenced to life imprisonment for their part in the conspiracy. Gopal Godse remained in jail for 18 years and now, at 80, lives with his wife in a small apartment in Pune. He is still proud of his role in the murder. Although Godse is largely ignored in India and rarely talks to journalists, he agreed to speak with TIME Delhi correspondent Meenakshi Ganguly.

TIME: What happened in January 1948?
Godse: On Jan. 20, Madanlal Pahwa exploded a bomb at Gandhi's prayer meeting in Delhi. It was 50 m away from Gandhi. [The other conspirators] all ran away from the place. Madanlal was caught there. Then there was a tension in our minds that we had to finish the task before the police caught us. Then Nathuram [Gopal's brother] took it on himself to do the thing. We only wanted destiny to help us -- meaning we should not be caught on the spot before he acted.

TIME: Why did you want to kill Gandhi?
Godse: Gandhi was a hypocrite. Even after the massacre of the Hindus by the Muslims, he was happy. The more the massacres of the Hindus, the taller his flag of secularism.

TIME: Did you ever see Gandhi?
Godse: Yes.

TIME: Did you attend his meetings?
Godse: Yes.

TIME: Can you explain how he created his mass following?
Godse: The credit goes to him for maneuvering the media. He captured the press. That was essential. How Gandhi walked, when he smiled, how he waved -- all these minor details that the people did not require were imposed upon them to create an atmosphere around Gandhi. And the more ignorant the masses, the more popular was Gandhi. So they always tried to keep the masses ignorant.

TIME: But surely it takes more than good publicity to create a Gandhi?
Godse: There is another thing. Generally in the Indian masses, people are attracted toward saintism. Gandhi was shrewd to use his saintdom for politics. After his death the government used him. The government knew that he was an enemy of Hindus, but they wanted to show that he was a staunch Hindu. So the first act they did was to put "Hey Ram" into Gandhi's dead mouth.

TIME: You mean that he did not say "Hey Ram" as he died?
Godse: No, he did not say it. You see, it was an automatic pistol. It had a magazine for nine bullets but there were actually seven at that time. And once you pull the trigger, within a second, all the seven bullets had passed. When these bullets pass through crucial points like the heart, consciousness is finished. You have no strength.

When Nathuram saw Gandhi was coming, he took out the pistol and folded his hands with the pistol inside it. There was one girl very close to Gandhi. He feared that he would hurt the girl. So he went forward and with his left hand pushed her aside and shot. It happened within one second. You see, there was a film and some Kingsley fellow had acted as Gandhi. Someone asked me whether Gandhi said, "Hey Ram." I said Kingsley did say it. But Gandhi did not. Because that was not a drama.

TIME: Many people think Gandhi deserved to be nominated TIME's Person of the Century. [He was one of two runners-up, after Albert Einstein.]
Godse: I name him the most cruel person for Hindus in

India

. The most cruel person! That is how I term him.

TIME: Is that why Gandhi had to die?
Godse: Yes. For months he was advising Hindus that they must never be angry with the Muslims. What sort of ahimsa (non-violence) is this? His principle of peace was bogus. In any free country, a person like him would be shot dead officially because he was encouraging the Muslims to kill Hindus.

TIME: But his philosophy was of turning the other cheek. He felt one person had to stop the cycle of violence...
Godse: The world does not work that way.

TIME: Is there anything that you admire about Gandhi?
Godse: Firstly, the mass awakening that Gandhi did. In our school days Gandhi was our idol. Secondly, he removed the fear of prison. He said it is different to go into prison for a theft and different to go in for satyagraha (civil disobedience). As youngsters, we had our enthusiasm, but we needed some channel. We took Gandhi to be our channel. We don't repent for that.

TIME: Did you not admire his principles of non-violence?
Godse: Non-violence is not a principle at all. He did not follow it. In politics you cannot follow non-violence. You cannot follow honesty. Every moment, you have to give a lie. Every moment you have to take a bullet in hand and kill someone. Why was he proved to be a hypocrite? Because he was in politics with his so-called principles. Is his non-violence followed anywhere? Not in the least. Nowhere.

TIME: What was the most difficult thing about killing Gandhi?
Godse: The greatest hurdle before us was not that of giving up our lives or going to the gallows. It was that we would be condemned both by the government and by the public. Because the public had been kept in the dark about what harm Gandhi had done to the nation. How he had fooled them!

TIME: Did the people condemn you?
Godse: Yes. People in general did. Because they had been kept ignorant.

The Story...

2007-06-24T13:41:00.000-07:00

The time of ur life
wen things don work ur way
bitter truths of life betray u
n u don wish dem 2 say

Wid emptiness u try to fill th void
ground beneath doesnt remain solid
failure becomes th stick of th blind
u feel,th world here is not so kind

In th crowd o people u feel alone
insanity starts creeping in ur bones
in th middle of things u start 2 think
is dis th place u wished ur eyes 2 blink

Distress, apathy,sickness n sorrow
life ll never get out of dis horror .

Not the rite way of thoughts they say,
u got to find ur own stick n way .
searching f0r th things u cant do
controlling ur thoughts is th rite way through

Living this life is a test
nd u cant hve th luxuary to rest
each situation is built wid gr8 care nd effort
u got to face dem to settle

coz the test is in ur mind
cozthe test is of ur mettle...